well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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