oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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