Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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