My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
