This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
