I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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