plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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