Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
