i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize