haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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