Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
