we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Threesome in a minivan. New low
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
