i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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