no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
