yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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