worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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