Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
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