I think i peed on brittanys purse
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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