i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
