need another drink. this is the easiest way
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
