Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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