I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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