i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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