I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
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Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
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I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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