I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
