I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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