The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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