The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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