plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
