Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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