you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
