Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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