i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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