I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.