I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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