you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"