When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
lol hangovers are for mortals.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
