so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
