so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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