Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
