Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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