I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
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I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
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Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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