mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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