I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
