I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
