i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
