I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
