Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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