Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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