she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
