Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
