I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
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