"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize