bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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