I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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