She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
