new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
