She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
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the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
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I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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